A scrap from yesterday's conversation.

[randomness]

Sex is communication. If someone is a bad communicator out of bed, it's unlikely they'll be a good communicator in bed. Possible, but unlikely.

Edit: A number of commenters have drawn a distinction between verbal and non-verbal communication, and assumed I meant "verbal=out of bed"; "non-verbal=in bed". That is not what I posted. I do find it noteworthy that people make that assumption.

Comments

[drwex]

That does not match my experience at all. In particular, there are people who are crapTACular at communicating with words, whose communication without words is excellent.

people have different styles.

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

You mistake my meaning.

I am not saying that people who communicate badly in words cannot communicate non-verbally.

I am saying that people who are bad at communicating tend to be bad at communicating regardless of the venue.

I class people who are good at communicating non-verbally as people who are good at communicating, so it's not surprising to me that they're good at communicating in bed. I've known a few people who are quite inarticulate who are good at communicating non-verbally; that's no surprise to me. Nor is it a surprise to me that they can communicate non-verbally in many contexts.

[drwex]

then your statement is tautological, since by definition they communicate well.

I think I understood your meaning and disagreed on the basis that the change of venue may allow some people to communicate in ways that they're good at whereas other venues do not.

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

I disagree, both on the tautology and your analysis. You are saying something different, with which I actually agree.

Here is a rephrase of what I was saying:

If you find that someone is a lousy communicator, do not expect them to suddenly become a good one if you change venues.

[drwex]

I got that. I disagree. As I said originally, it doesn't match my experience in several ways nor does it match with what I understand of interpersonal theory.

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

It's fine that you disagree but my post does match my experience. Perhaps we are working from different theories.

I do interact with people a lot non-verbally out of bed, so I think I get to see a lot more of that that aspect of their communication style before I sleep with them.