The one that really annoys me is "why don't you just..." where often the "just" is some combination of difficult, expensive, or ineffective (such as dubious or impractical but possibly well-meant medical advice), or shows that the person asking "why don't you?" hasn't been listening to the person they are trying to give advice to. For example, if someone says they're looking for a better job because they hate the one they have now, they might welcome the information that "XYZ is hiring" or be open to "the community college offers courses in bookkeeping," but "why don't you just get a different job?" would be infuriating.
The "why don't you just?" people tend not to listen to any answer that actually gives a reason why not: "I tried that and it didn't work" or "because it would cost five thousand dollars I don't have." It's as if they are more concerned with knowing more than you do than with actually helping.
At this point, "Why don't you just..." feels like some weird combination of accusation (as if I should have thought of this on my own, done it six months ago, and not have the problem anymore) and claim of superiority, even when it doesn't come from a position of ignorance. It's possible that at some point this will mean I miss an actual good suggestion that I would consider if it was phrased as "have you tried..." or "I read about something that might work."
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Date: 2013-12-20 06:31 pm (UTC)The "why don't you just?" people tend not to listen to any answer that actually gives a reason why not: "I tried that and it didn't work" or "because it would cost five thousand dollars I don't have." It's as if they are more concerned with knowing more than you do than with actually helping.
At this point, "Why don't you just..." feels like some weird combination of accusation (as if I should have thought of this on my own, done it six months ago, and not have the problem anymore) and claim of superiority, even when it doesn't come from a position of ignorance. It's possible that at some point this will mean I miss an actual good suggestion that I would consider if it was phrased as "have you tried..." or "I read about something that might work."