(no subject)

[randomness]

The older you get, the more serious the consequences of your actions tend to be. Best to learn about those consequences early, from someone who loves you and means you well, rather than later, from the cold, cruel world, which cares about you not at all.

With the caveat that I am not a parent, it strikes me that delivering those consequences is a crucial--though often difficult and sometimes heartrending--aspect of parenting.

Comments

[lillibet.livejournal.com]

Ironically, however, I think that one of the marks of maturity is that a lot of things become less consequential. When I think back on my high school and college years, the big difference is how important so many things seemed and how short-term set-backs became blown so far out of proportion. That level of high drama became simply too tiring and tiresome to maintain in adulthood.

[in-parentheses.livejournal.com]

Well-put. Adults all talk about how the consequences of their actions are more serious than they were when they were kids/teenagers, and they are, objectively speaking. But everything *feels* so much more intense as a teenager that I think it maybe balances out.

[in-parentheses.livejournal.com]

I guess my point, though, is that feelings are real consequences. I mean, I know what you're saying, of course -- there aren't as many consequences for other people, there aren't as many life-or-death consequences. But how we feel -- and how we are made to feel by others -- has a huge impact on our lives, and can even be life or death. (Take a look at teenage suicide statistics.)

I try as a teacher to remind myself that a lot of the stuff kids get worked up about is real to them, and therefore is real, period. Even when my reaction is, "Why on earth would anyone care about that??"

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

Sure. I do think that it's essential if one is to understand someone to be able to take their concerns seriously. And I'm not discounting that it feels awful to make a mistake when young.

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

So, yeah, I guess I'm talking about objective consequences rather than how they feel.

I've always liked this quote from the 1st Earl of Balfour: "Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all."

(from http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/a/arthurjame153126.html)

On the other hand, this is the man who wrote the Balfour Declaration, so clearly some things really do matter.

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

I'm more thinking of what happens if you break the law, or become violent.

There's a sense that if you're a youth, and you commit some transgression on that level, society cuts you a break. This is what juvenile court is all about, after all. And even when you're in your late teens and early 20s, there's a sense that "you're young, you made a mistake".

A guy who commits a crime at age 40 is getting little slack, if any. What he needs then is good legal representation and a lot of luck.

[lillibet.livejournal.com]

Well, yes. I get tired, actually, of hearing the excuse "he's young." I recently heard it applied to a 29 year old and it infuriated me. When do the adult rules kick in?

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

29 is really kind of skating the edge, I'd think.

I made my mistakes at 18, and I feel lucky that they worked out the way that they did. And I've watched 20 year olds have similar outcomes with similar sorts of mistakes. But 29 starts to be a bit of a different story.

[dpolicar]

And not all 20-year-olds are the same age.

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

My friends list is testimony to the truth of that statement.

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

Or, for example, if someone is simply obnoxious, or socially inept: in high school or college, this can get you snubbed, and perhaps it will ruin your social life for a week, or even a semester.

Later in life, that can become a career-limiting move. It might ruin a business partnership. You might get fired.

Objectively, the consequences are worse as an adult. They *feel* worse as a youth, but that's because as a youth you're generally shielded from some of the repercussions, and you have insufficent perspective with which to judge.