(no subject)

[randomness]

I suspect, sometimes, that it's not that people get older and wiser, but that most get better at making the appearance of their lives conform more closely to the expectations of those around them. If we can't avoid hiding our failures, at least we become more skilled in making them look like everyone else's.

Some don't even manage that.

Comments

[digitalemur.livejournal.com]

How... interesting that you post this right after volunteering all weekend at a con, where there was prime geekwatching....

:)

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

Hah! Nice call.

Let's talk.

[quezz.livejournal.com]

Man, I don't go to Arisia...and I miss all the drama. It's sad -- what else have I got really?

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

You didn't miss much drama, at least not here. The incident in question had little drama and would not have been worth the walk from Central.

In other words, “intéressant”, not “mérite le détour”. Certainly not “vaut le voyage”.

[quezz.livejournal.com]

I disagree. "Older and Wiser" means they avoid better the pitfalls of inexperience so that our failures are put into perspective.

Some of us, as we've gotten "older and wiser,"have also become a little crazier in the rest of the world's eyes. I like that. :)

[awfief.livejournal.com]

*nod* sometimes the "pitfalls of inexperience" mean not making a choice, so yeah.

But I think the sentiment still stands -- "older and wiser" means learning from your experiences, though most folks probably get better at hiding the fact they ain't learned nuthin'.

[quezz.livejournal.com]

...most folks probably get better at hiding the fact they ain't learned nuthin'.

That be my experience, ayup.

[chris-warrior.livejournal.com]

if one can't be unique in failure, one can't be unique in anything!

then again... i think there is perhaps a bell curve of human failure in any event, and finding ways to NOT fit in would be harder.

[dpolicar]

I'd agree that most of us get better at manipulating appearances than we do at manipulating underlying realities, yeah.

Which isn't to say that most of us don't get better at working with the underlying stuff, too.

And of course, the dividing line is blurry and fractal and often nonexistent. Interacting with other people is a real thing, and an important one, and much of it is done through our surfaces.

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

Sure. Partially because there are more external incentives for manipulating the appearances.

But...more face to face, I think.

[wolfkitn.livejournal.com]

hmmmm. "some don't even manage that."

this comes off as though it's a good thing, somehow, and as such if i've interpreted it right, i'm really not agreeing with it for all situations... i'm trying, sometimes with and sometimes without success, to be aware of when i'm trying to conform to someone else's expectations and to at least do it mindfully.

this is on my mind these days due to two examples: i struggled to find clothes to wear to work the other day, and to my SOs family reunion on saturday. when i stopped to think about it, it was because i'm trying to impress someone -- not be me, but who i thought they want me to be. i know there are certainly times to do that -- job interviews and weddings come to mind -- but there are other times when being authentic is harder, and much more valuable. the people i most admire are them, through and through, while somehow managing to be inoffensive about 98% of the time. the other percentage? well, heck, no one is perfect. ;)

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

Yeah...I think this conversation deserves a non-public venue.

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

Or at least it's an excuse to go have coffee. :)

[redbird]

Does it count as older and wiser to know what I am, and am not, good at, and try to get other people to handle some of the things I'm not good at? A friend has posted about how long it took her to hire someone to do the mundane stuff in her business—packing and invoices—so she could concentrate on designing and making the jewelry. And how much good that has been, for her and for the people who buy her stuff, because she's better at the jewelry than at some of the organizational stuff.

[emilymorgan.livejournal.com]

To be honest, I kind of wish I weren't good at that.

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

Sure.

The whole situation deserves more detail than I can (or should) give it here.

[emilymorgan.livejournal.com]

Oh, you and your cryptic life. :)

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

Well, you and I are overdue for a conversation, y'know. :)

[holmes-iv.livejournal.com]

Come to New York and hang out with me and emilymorgan and novawolf! Preferably at novawolf's house, which is nicer than mine! ;-)

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

Ok, but I need to find a place to crash.

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

That's a point. I need to get on that list, in fact, if there actually is one...

[marmota.livejournal.com]

Having just gotten back from Arisia (didn't see you there?), I'll just say that from what I've seen over the years, and particularly this year, the overlapping circles of Fandom provide extremely poor and low sets of expectations to conform to. It's becoming lesss and less of a nice place to visit, and I'm glad to have no comprehension of the natives.

[miss-chance.livejournal.com]

Hmmmm... My internal version of "Older and wiser," has to do with how much less I know than I used to.

I used to know a lot more about how other people should handle their lives and what was wrong with how they were doing things, and have strong opinion about what should or should not be done next. Now I am far less clear about any of that.

Also more and more it seems like *everyone* is damaged goods so behaviors (of my own or others') that look like products of damage, probably are but that alone no longer seems like sufficient information for me to be able to make a sound judgment about a person or behavior.

I'm not sure how any of that fits in with your observation/model or not.