(no subject)

[randomness]

Why is it that well-meaning people fail to understand when people have issues, even emotional landmines, about certain subjects, and still keep banging on about them.

Are they simply clueless? Do they not listen? Or is it that they say things so they can hear themselves talk? What?

Comments

[muffyjo]

When I was 6 years old I was told not to bring up an incredibly sensitive topic in front of an specific adult. My curiosity got the better of me (I was 6, let's be fair) because being in on the secret was what I really wanted. I wanted so badly to be on the "in" of the knowledge rather than being shut out. The drama that ensued was traumatic and taught me that I'm just not that interested but I think that's a lesson rarely learned.

For the people who are generally socially aware who blunder in this fashion, I would offer (based on that experience) that wanting to be "in" on the deliciously sensitive and therefore clearly center-of-drama important item is a bit of an ego boost. That consciously or unconsciously they want the ego boost of being "in the know" and are acting accordingly without regard to the train wreck occurring in their wake.

That's certainly one possibility. And for that case, even a social safeword would probably not help unless someone could pull them aside and point out it was for their benefit as well as the benefit of the people around them.

As for the male/female confrontation patterns of this (and therefore victimization) I think that it's probably fair to say that this happens equally across both genders if you account for the statistical inequality already engendered in the confrontational issue.

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

As for the male/female confrontation patterns of this (and therefore victimization) I think that it's probably fair to say that this happens equally across both genders if you account for the statistical inequality already engendered in the confrontational issue.

As I said above, I agree that the behavior is exhibited by both genders, and probably in relatively similar proportions. What's different is the degree to which they have to put up with it, as men are much better equipped by both nature and nurture to shut that conversation down.