Inspired by...

[randomness]

...an ironic comment from dpolicar, and a (friends-locked) posting from redhound.

"(P)eople really don't read what you write. They read some sort of virtual text constructed from your title, a few fragments of your text, and whatever preconceptions may be stimulated by them. It's sort of amazing watching people rant about your failure to consider things you explicitly addressed."

"Hey, what do you have against reactions that completely miss your point? You want us all to understand you and respond relevantly, or something?"

I'd extend this to say that it's not just that people don't read what you write, they don't listen to what you say, or even watch what you do. As drbitch once observed, humans write stories; it's what they do. But they often pay more attention to the story inside their head than anything that may be playing out before them.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Just throwing in my 2 cents and saying I disagree. Sure, people don't always listen/read, but rarely paying attention? I'd like to give the people I know a little more credit. I mean, if you aren't going to read something, then why "read" it? And if you don't think people are listening, why say it? Also, just because someone doesn't respond to every point you make doesn't mean they didn't read/hear it; they just aren't responding to it.

On a separate note, of course people pay more attention to themselves than anyone else. What else would you expect?

~Rachel~

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

Sure, people don't always listen/read, but rarely paying attention?

I don't see where I wrote that people rarely paid attention. I mean, it's an interesting idea, but I don't see where I said that. What I did say is that people often pay more attention to the thoughts they bring with them than what's being said to them.

I'd like to give the people I know a little more credit.

Sure! But the people you know are a bit more worthy of it than the people I'm referring to. I'm guessing here, but if you're the Rachel I think you are, most of the people you and I know in common are less judgmental--at least about my life--than the people I'm thinking of.

I mean, if you aren't going to read something, then why "read" it?

I don't know why people do it, and I won't guess. I have to trust the observable evidence that they do do it, though.

And if you don't think people are listening, why say it?

That's fine advice, actually. I try not to say things to people who aren't listening. I'm not as good at that as I'd like, but I like to think I'm improving.

The problem is that people are listening, just not to the things I'm saying, but attributing those things to me nonetheless. So it's entirely possible they'll make their judgments in the absence of any words from me at all.

Also, just because someone doesn't respond to every point you make doesn't mean they didn't read/hear it; they just aren't responding to it.

Lack of response to points I'm making isn't the problem here. It's response to points I'm not making, but that they imagine I'm making.

On a separate note, of course people pay more attention to themselves than anyone else. What else would you expect?

In general, am I surprised that people pay more attention to themselves than anyone else? Not at all.

On the other hand, it seems pointless to talk when people choose not to pay attention to what you're saying in favor of their preconceptions of what they think you're saying.

~Rachel~

(Here, I was going to ask which Rachel this was, but from the voice I have a pretty good idea. And your two cents are always welcome, disagreement or no.)

[dianec42.livejournal.com]

"Also, just because someone doesn't respond to every point you make doesn't mean they didn't read/hear it; they just aren't responding to it."

Lack of response to points I'm making isn't the problem here. It's response to points I'm not making, but that they imagine I'm making.

Will I get hit if I suggest that maybe Rachel was engaging in a little of this behavior herself here? (-:

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

Some of these comment threads have been wonderfully meta.