More thoughts on the self-absorbed.

[randomness]

Self-absorbed people have a tendency to launch into conversation about themselves assuming you already know key points about themselves that they have never told you. This more often happens when they're seeing you again after some absence. It never occurs to them that you wouldn't know, because it's so important and obvious to them. This can make conversations with them confusing.

Sometimes, they get offended at you for not knowing things they haven't told you, because your not knowing them means you clearly didn't care enough to pay attention to things they didn't tell you. But this is a somewhat more extreme case.

(Thanks to cmeckhardt for helpful changes in wording.)

Comments

[skurkey.livejournal.com]

I agree. I think self-absorbed people also fail to listen to what you say to them.

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

Oh, definitely. They're not really paying attention to very much aside from themselves. Why should you be any exception?

[thespian.livejournal.com]

they also fail to listen to what you don't say to them, a more subtle distinction, but you know what I mean....

[skurkey.livejournal.com]

Yea, I agree. I've gotten to the point that I don't share information unless asked. If someone doesn't ask, I often believe they're just not interested.

[thespian.livejournal.com]

the other day I was at an event for people with an interest in knitting. I am interested in it because I like making toys, and I would be far more of a fashionista if I was mall sized. So I got into it to learn to make neat things for me. I was talking with someone who likes the math of things and the challenge of things like intarsia and 2-colour knitting, but he's interested in the things I make and I'm interested in his work.

We were cornered by someone who does fibre arts, in competition. And there was NO backing out of it; we wanted to talk about practical knitting of things we'll wear, and she kept saying, "So and so is judging the X Competition, so you should know that if you're going to compete there. She rewards design, so my stuff does well," while we sat there trying to figure out anything that had come in the conversation that would lead to her telling us that.

And it wasn't even that either of us might not have been interested at another time. She just was making no effort to even notice what we were talking about, and ignoring us saying, "Oh, well really, I don't know anything about that." (which never even led to an explanation of anything). You wind up in this trap of 'how little do I have to contribute to this conversation to make them go away?', but I suspect that's likely making it worse because you're obviously interested, or you'd not be listening, right?

[skurkey.livejournal.com]

I think that there are several reasons why I think individuals monolouge.

I think some people, like my father, who were neglected as children may not learn how to listen. They learn to talk to themselves. In fact, my father talks more if you don't say anything. He doesn't get the regular clues and hints that people give when they want to break off a conversation.

I think some people have low self-esteem and want to belong, so they talk.

I think some people are hyper and get a rush out of talking.

Maybe there are some other reasons I haven't mentioned...

[and-be-blue.livejournal.com]

my god. that icon is incredible...makes me want to play PP again.

[thespian.livejournal.com]

here's my other YPP themed icon, for you to see then ;-)

[and-be-blue.livejournal.com]

heh. cute, though I feel like I'm missing some - it's a rumble reference, right? I haven't REALLY played since rumble was released...I resubscribed to midnight, but don't have a crew to play with, so I didn't really get back into it.

[thespian.livejournal.com]

it is. one of the non-buyable weapons, that you get if you're on a ship that sinks, is a fish. It is a really sucky weapon, but it's great to get to hit people with a fish.