(no subject)

[randomness]

I think I've learned something, generally many things, from each of my relationships. And I think on balance learning those things has progressively made me a better boyfriend.

At least, it feels that way. And that realization makes me feel that all of my former relationships were good in some way, even if some of them weren't good in other ways.

It's a cheerful thought.

(Of course, *I'm* not the one who can best judge whether I'm a better boyfriend. :) But I feel like I am.)

Comments

[redbird]

That sounds like the right kind of learning. (As distinct from, say, the people who have relationships go bad in the same way, and come to the conclusion that it's inherent to relationships and not avoidable or manageable.)

And now I'm wondering what part of why things are as smooth as they are, for me, with adrian_turtle and Q is stuff I've learned from being with cattitude.

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

That sounds like the right kind of learning. (As distinct from, say, the people who have relationships go bad in the same way, and come to the conclusion that it's inherent to relationships and not avoidable or manageable.)

Eep, that would be a terrible kind of learning, yes.

I suspect, though, that if I had relationships go bad in the same way repeatedly I would start looking at why they were going bad that way, and see what I could do about that, instead of concluding that it was inherent to relationships, or even just relationships with *me*.

Another way to put that is that I'd really start looking at what I needed to change.

And now I'm wondering what part of why things are as smooth as they are, for me, with adrian_turtle and Q is stuff I've learned from being with cattitude.

Yes! That analysis can be a useful and fun exercise. (The thinking that led to this post was along similar lines.)

[coraline]

...and then there's the type of person whose relationships all go bad in similar ways, and they conclude it has to do with women, or don't generalize at all and assume that it will go better next time instead of saying "hm, what's the common factor in all these relationships? am i doing this?"
not that i've seen that happen or anything.

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

Yeah.

That kind of thinking betrays a remarkable lack of self-awareness, or perhaps a very large blind spot centered on themselves.

I like to think that clearing that blind spot was one of the things I learned from someone along the way.

But yes, sadly common failure mode, that.

[redbird]

Quite. One possible thing that a person would learn is "I shouldn't get involved with people who do X early on, because it will lead to this kind of serious problem." That doesn't always mean X is bad: it may just interact badly with the person's own traits or past history.