Sometimes, discretion is the better part of valor.

[randomness]

I'm ever mindful that I'm engaged in a conversation with the people who have decided to put me on their default view. I think I have, over time, decided that I need to follow the rules of polite society when posting.

I have nonetheless angered a number of people who have flounced out of my journal and my life. This is sad, but unavoidable. I am gradually embracing the fact that I piss some people off. (I am sometimes more glib, and say "I'm embracing my inner asshole" but that phrase has some awkward anatomical implications.)

On the other hand, I'm also trying to avoid one of the counter-fallacies redhound describes in passing in his oft-quoted Five Geek Social Fallacies, that of "Your Feelings, Your Problem":

Less commonly, people form a sort of counter-fallacy which I call "Your Feelings, Your Problem". YFYP carriers deal with other people's fallacies by ignoring them entirely, in the process acquiring a reputation for being charmingly tactless. Carriers tend to receive a sort of exemption from the usual standards: "that's just Dana", and so on. YFYP has its own problems, but if you would rather be an asshole than angstful, it may be the way to go. It's also remarkably easy to pull off in a GSF1-rich environment.

So there are things I consider saying that I find myself filtering out in my head, partly because I've decided that while I like tweaking people's assumptions I'd also like to continue having them read me.

As I don't care much for compartmentalizing my journal--and by implication, my life--by proliferating filtered groups, I think carefully about what I say, because it's going out to everyone on my flist, at least.

It's a balance. Sometimes, like now, I feel it somewhat constraining.

I post a lot about finance. Partly it's because I find it fascinating; it's the actions of a huge number of crazy primates chasing after abstractions. They're not very good at it, so their antics can be comical, as long as you're not within range of their flung feces.

But partly I realize that by posting about finance I can post about a subject sufficiently obscure that I can be snarky and yet not piss my friendslist off. I admit this is in no small part a reflection of the interests of my friendslist. Other readers, maybe I'd post more about politics. Or sex. I don't know.

I originally chose food for similar reasons.

I recognize that both finance and food can be triggering subjects for people; some of my friends have said as much. I'm sorry about that. I think they're less triggering than politics or sex, or relationships. I guess I could stick to transit and travel.

I suppose, thinking about it, that the subjects I currently write about I'm more likely to bore readers than anger them. And that's been okay, if limiting. I'm told this is a terrible way to approach writing; it's probably true, but the reverse comes hard.

Anyway, that's my navel-gazing for the moment.

Comments

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

I've always thoroughly enjoyed conversation with you and you're one of the few people with whom I never, ever feel as if I must censor myself for fear of offending you or being thought a horrible freak.

*hugs* I'm glad that's where we are, and I remember how we got there.

Anyway, I don't get to talk to you nearly often enough and I miss you!

I must fix that the next time I am in Connecticut. Miss you!

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

Am I somehow not getting these posts?

You are not, because I'm not posting them. :)

Although I often have this moment where I've composed the thing and am about to hit the posting button, and then think better of it.

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'll keep going on the way I've always been. I'm just doing some public introspection about what I normally do.

"You should experience no disruption in service." :)

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

People are odd, really.

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've felt like I haven't posted about food nearly enough lately.

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

Oh, it's nothing particularly new. I simply think about it every time I find myself not posting something, and this time I started doing some public self-examination, the way one does on LJ.

I have no particular intention in changing my posting style.

And thanks! We haven't talked lately, so I'm glad to hear from you.

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

I in fact use one filter: friends-only. I considered creating more filters at one point but decided that was too much complexity for me.

And it is about them...but I do want to reach people who I suspect would close themselves off if I didn't avoid things that were actively obnoxious. So there's that tension.

It's not a big deal but I do think about it sometimes.

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

I stopped posting altogether for a long time because of issues like this. It wasn't a good solution; I just got sick of people somehow managing to be offended even by cute kid stories.

Yeah. We all find our own equilibrium, I think.

By the way, I want to thank you for coming up to me at the party heliopsis had a while ago and saying nice things about what I was posting being a window into what I was thinking. I realized we hadn't actually talked in ages and I wanted to do something about that, but obviously that was difficult to do at a noisy party.

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

Hah.

I'd never actually seen used that way. Thanks...I think. :)

If you're really looking for email rather than just exercising snark--which I do appreciate, thanks!--I'll send it to you too.

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

Okay.

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

Oh, no apologies necessary.

It's always nice to hear from you, btw.

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

If you don't mind, I'll be asking you for the info on that unlisted place the next time I'm going to Tulsa.

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

That's a good point; I find a lot of reviews--of hotels, mostly--strike me as bizarrely hypercritical. Restaurant reviews can be all over the map.

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

Hah!

I'll give you a call about Sushi Corner, btw; I nearly went tonight but then Ember the Wonder Cat intervened.

[flit.livejournal.com]

I don't have enough background to really get all of your finance posts, but I can skim on crashy days and I learn a little on brain days, so it's all good for me.

Also I find the idea that anyone would flounce off from your journal quite bemusing.

[stolen-tea.livejournal.com]

BTW, for economic news fun, you should follow solarbird. She's more or less been live-blogging the economic collapse. And you probably have met at some point, given your respective backgrounds... :)

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

Gee, if you're skipping the financial posts and the travel posts, what's left? :)

[allyphoe.livejournal.com]

Not at all - although if you don't mind, I'd take the opportunity to join you for the meal!

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

That'd be great!