Sometimes, discretion is the better part of valor.

[randomness]

I'm ever mindful that I'm engaged in a conversation with the people who have decided to put me on their default view. I think I have, over time, decided that I need to follow the rules of polite society when posting.

I have nonetheless angered a number of people who have flounced out of my journal and my life. This is sad, but unavoidable. I am gradually embracing the fact that I piss some people off. (I am sometimes more glib, and say "I'm embracing my inner asshole" but that phrase has some awkward anatomical implications.)

On the other hand, I'm also trying to avoid one of the counter-fallacies redhound describes in passing in his oft-quoted Five Geek Social Fallacies, that of "Your Feelings, Your Problem":

Less commonly, people form a sort of counter-fallacy which I call "Your Feelings, Your Problem". YFYP carriers deal with other people's fallacies by ignoring them entirely, in the process acquiring a reputation for being charmingly tactless. Carriers tend to receive a sort of exemption from the usual standards: "that's just Dana", and so on. YFYP has its own problems, but if you would rather be an asshole than angstful, it may be the way to go. It's also remarkably easy to pull off in a GSF1-rich environment.

So there are things I consider saying that I find myself filtering out in my head, partly because I've decided that while I like tweaking people's assumptions I'd also like to continue having them read me.

As I don't care much for compartmentalizing my journal--and by implication, my life--by proliferating filtered groups, I think carefully about what I say, because it's going out to everyone on my flist, at least.

It's a balance. Sometimes, like now, I feel it somewhat constraining.

I post a lot about finance. Partly it's because I find it fascinating; it's the actions of a huge number of crazy primates chasing after abstractions. They're not very good at it, so their antics can be comical, as long as you're not within range of their flung feces.

But partly I realize that by posting about finance I can post about a subject sufficiently obscure that I can be snarky and yet not piss my friendslist off. I admit this is in no small part a reflection of the interests of my friendslist. Other readers, maybe I'd post more about politics. Or sex. I don't know.

I originally chose food for similar reasons.

I recognize that both finance and food can be triggering subjects for people; some of my friends have said as much. I'm sorry about that. I think they're less triggering than politics or sex, or relationships. I guess I could stick to transit and travel.

I suppose, thinking about it, that the subjects I currently write about I'm more likely to bore readers than anger them. And that's been okay, if limiting. I'm told this is a terrible way to approach writing; it's probably true, but the reverse comes hard.

Anyway, that's my navel-gazing for the moment.

Comments

[emilymorgan.livejournal.com]

What an interesting and well-timed post. I always enjoy your social meta-commentary.

For me, while I think LJ is awesome in terms of its communication potential, having a "conversation" with a large group of people whose faces I can't see is sufficiently intimidating that I filter, lock, and post rarely and on "safe" topics. But it's a little frustrating- I'd like to have more of a real conversation.

It's your own space. Maybe trigger warnings are the way to go?

[kissoflife.livejournal.com]

*hugs you, against all the not-fun sides of so much the self-scrutiny, and for the charm of your having found the right playground for your inner snarkasaurus*

[lyonesse.livejournal.com]

one reader's tuppence: i read yr journal just to hear what you think.

i don't gotta agree with you. i don't feel entitled to choose your topics. i'm just interested.

ok?

[mizkit.livejournal.com]

*snorts* If people flounce off, that's their problem, not yours. That's the beautiful thing about self-selecting audiences. :)

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

ok?

Sure, but it's not just about you. :)

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

Well, sure.

On the other hand, the ultimate endpoint of a self-selecting audience is one in which I am speaking only to myself. I realize that's not an immediate worry here, but the balancing act remains.

[mizkit.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm likely to keep reading, since I find both finance and food interesting. So there. Or something. :)

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

What an interesting and well-timed post. I always enjoy your social meta-commentary.

Thanks!

One of my friends has engaged in quite a lot of self-debate about the degree to which his engaging with certain commenters drives away others, and how one can never reach a perfect solution to that. Thinking about that inspired my rambling.

Maybe trigger warnings are the way to go?

Perhaps, although there are clearly times when that's just not sufficient.

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Thanks.

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

*nod*

Yeah, and that's why finance has seemed to be a good choice; by and large the reaction to my finance posts by people who don't want to read them is *skip*, rather than *defriend* or *remove from view*.

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

:)

Thanks!

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

*nod*

I made a decision a while back, when I was writing about food, that I would leave as many posts as possible public. The restaurant listings were a resource--although nowadays I could probably more reasonably use something like Yelp--and I wanted them not only to be readable by as many people as possible I wanted them to be found if someone was searching.

When I branched out it seemed reasonable to continue to write with that possible audience in mind.

I think if I'd started by deciding my entire LJ was friends-locked I'd have written very differently. It's a reasonable choice to do so. It just happens that I didn't start that way.

[woodwardiocom.livejournal.com]

I am astounded that anyone would find any of your posts angering. Could you point to a specific post which had that effect?

[gosling.livejournal.com]

I stopped posting altogether for a long time because of issues like this. It wasn't a good solution; I just got sick of people somehow managing to be offended even by cute kid stories. (And really, for me the past few years, even posting two sentence things, which I try to do at least sometimes these days, means getting up yet earlier before dawn to have the time, so it was easy to not post at all.)

However, I really like reading posts by people who are more willing to post controversial, thought provoking things, even when I don't agree with them.

[redbird]

For what it's worth: I have filters for stuff I'm not comfortable sharing with the whole world, and a couple of reading filters for when I'm in a hurry. Beyond that, I use lj-cut tags for things I think people may want to skip, though most of mine are "this may bore you" rather than "this might be triggering."

If someone finds large parts of my journal problematic or triggering, that's about them, I think. If a lot of people had that reaction, I might reconsider what I was posting, or how, or at least use more of those cut tags.

I can get stressed about money, but the finance stuff you post isn't hitting any of that, and wasn't even a couple of years ago when I was finding the topic more stressful.

[intuition-ist.livejournal.com]

yeek. you've never posted anything that i consider even remotely offensive...

[emilymorgan.livejournal.com]

Yeah, sorry, that was more me thinking out loud than anything else- obviously, you've thought of that kind of solution already!

[lillibet.livejournal.com]

I read your journal to know what you're thinking about. I find the economy and finance pretty wearing, but if it's something you're thinking about, then that's interesting to me. Although, frankly, I prefer food :)

[nezumiko.livejournal.com]

I'm with the contingent above who haven't seen anything even bordering on offensive in your posts. True, I skip restaurant reviews for cities I won't be visiting, and I skim some of the link-heavy financial posts because finance isn't my kink, but offended? Hardly.

I actually think it's cool that I have in you an economist-type friend who knows about those sorts of thing. As I recall, one of the things that first intrigued me about you when we met was the fact that you collected currency. I don't know much about finance, and I find accounting tedious, but I know exactly where to go to get a summation of the issues and a smart friend's opinions on the topics.

So... So unless I've been missing something here, and that's entirely possible, I'm not sure where your concerns about this are coming from. I'd prefer you to keep writing about the stuff you think about, without a lot of self-censoring, because it's interesting, and I like knowing what's on your mind.

[tamidon.livejournal.com]

I am honestly baffled at people being offended when reading someone's LJ is something you have to take action to do. No one is forcing me to slog thru your finance posts(which is a good thing because, tho I try, I sometimes find them...dense) and I love your food and travel posts. How very odd that people get offended in this way

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

Even though Yelp exists, your food posts are still valuable to your friends, because they're from a known source! People's tastes vary, and I may loathe somewhere that got excellent reviews, but if I read a review from you, already knowing something about what you like and dislike and how that compares with my own tastes, I'm in a much better position to assess the restaurant's value for ME.

[dianec42.livejournal.com]

I'm with the "How very odd" crowd. I love reading your entries and would be very happy if you keep posting on whatever topic moves you.

[bedfull-o-books.livejournal.com]

Yes. This.

Too often I've read a review on Yelp where it's clear that the poster didn't know jack about the cuisine, or were put off by the curtains or something. WTF?

[milktree.livejournal.com]

+1

this

are there any other annoying ways to say "ooh ooh! Me too! I think that too! " ?

[milktree.livejournal.com]

Wait, what happened to the most annoying one?

<AOL>

That's better