Why did you abandon the mainstream?

[randomness]

(a placeholder for a more substantive post)

In many ways I was never accepted by the mainstream. By virtue of the combination of my race and upbringing, I was always going to be the "other". So in contrast to many of my friends, who appear to have consciously chose the subculture, I ended up here because integrating into the mainstream was problematic.

And there are many mainstream assumptions which I think are completely fucked-up. That tends to reinforce my decision. Not that the particular social niche I find myself in is lacking in fucked-up assumptions, but perhaps there aren't as many, or at least there are fewer which impact me directly.

I'm still thinking about this.

Comments

[r-ness.livejournal.com]

I think we too, are speaking across each other. (I think there's a lot of it because I was thinking aloud and setting down a placeholder, so it's my fault, but I honestly didn't think there'd be any comment!)

the mainstream isn't nerely so cohesive as all that.

Sure, sure. I oversimplify. On the other hand, we both recognize that a mainstream does exist, and does have some characteristics we can both agree on.

And plenty of people assumed to be Of It, loathe it and fall through all manner of cracks by being assumed to be just a part of the herd.

As I said to evilbunnymayhem, we're getting at two different things here, which I think addresses your point about victimization. If they loathe it, it's probably time for them to decide they don't want to be part of the herd.

I figure if you have enough self-esteem you don't ever let other people -including those in your social group- do your thinking for you

So I didn't. That meant exiting the social group which was trying to do my thinking for me, and entering a different one which--while I will admit has its own group-think issues--didn't try to do the same kind of thinking for me.

Finally, "other"ness is always a matter of choice.

I actually disagree here. I was talking at lunch with a social worker friend today. She mentioned that one of the differences between the psychological and social work approaches is that social work looks at people in their social context, as opposed to looking at their problems as an individual. "No man is an island," she said, and social work seeks to look at people and their problems in their context.

"other"ness is embedded in a social context. If your social context holds the value, "You are the other because of this and such", you can either agree with them or disagree with them, but their holding that value predates you. (You may also be able to change their value later, but the important thing is that it was there before you came along.)

Plenty of Asians are mainstream.

This is an interesting statement, and one which I think perhaps isn't as true as you think. Sure, plenty of Asians have chosen to internalize the values of the mainstream, but one of the values of the mainstream really is that the default, the normative if you will, is of a heterosexual white male. It's less true than it used to be, but it's still true.

Are those the values you want to live by?

No, and the original placeholder post was my thinking aloud about how I had come to reject those values, many of which were the ones shared by the mainstream.

Too often we (and by we I mean Geeks) play the victim and let others define who we are going to be and how we are going to live. Don't be a victim.

Which, in fact, is exactly what I decided not to be, because choosing the values of a group which devalued me was making myself a victim. So my ending up in a group which didn't devalue me was an act of empowerment.

I'm hearing an implicit assumption in that Geek/mainstream dichotomy you draw which makes it seem like those who have entered the Geek world have been victimized by the mainstream. Clearly, some people have, but I don't think it's necessarily true that the values of that particular subculture--which isn't exactly the one I identify with--are necessarily inferior to those of the mainstream. They just are.

Does that make sense?