Why did you abandon the mainstream?

[randomness]

(a placeholder for a more substantive post)

In many ways I was never accepted by the mainstream. By virtue of the combination of my race and upbringing, I was always going to be the "other". So in contrast to many of my friends, who appear to have consciously chose the subculture, I ended up here because integrating into the mainstream was problematic.

And there are many mainstream assumptions which I think are completely fucked-up. That tends to reinforce my decision. Not that the particular social niche I find myself in is lacking in fucked-up assumptions, but perhaps there aren't as many, or at least there are fewer which impact me directly.

I'm still thinking about this.

Comments

[dpolicar]

Or, perhaps, the fact that its fucked-up assumptions are less visible/onerous to you than those of other social niches played a role in why you find yourself in it.

[ketzl.livejournal.com]

Hm. Agreed about the fucked-up mainstream assumptions.

WRT race, obviously I'm white & while I'm Jewish I'm blonde and can easily pass for a shiksa.... But still I felt alienated from the mainsteam from the moment I stepped into kindergarten. Geek from birth, I guess :)

[dianec42.livejournal.com]

Why did you abandon the mainstream?

For me, that's not even a valid question. I never managed to get into it in the first place...

Anyway, what has the mainstream done for me lately?

[drwex]

Your friends who "consciously chose the subculture" have rationalized their upbringing to make it more padded and comfy. We didn't have that much choice, though for a wide variety of different reasons.

[evilbunnymayhem.livejournal.com]

Being what I assume is a "mainstreamer" here- there's another point of view that may not be taken into account-
Those in mainstream culture often at times don't actually feel the acceptance you're describing. I mean predjudice is predjudice... which is horrid and a whole nother matter in itself and perhaps I'm not completely understanding the term "mainstream" here. I'm ging to assume you are speaking of the dating world and how people choose what kind of relationships to be in-
very very bad analogy coming here-
Flock of sheep. If you look like the other (similar dress and lifestyle) sheep, smell like the other sheep, do the same things the other sheep do and are generally no different than any of them and don't stand out from the crowd... does that mean you're accepted? If one is lonely and thinks differently yet blends in (and is accepted as mainstream) does that make that person part of the whole?

Perhaps you're talking not about relationships and more about recreational activites or the issues of predjudice in our society.... in which case I'm blathering.
But I've found more and more that the "mainstream" seems to be breaking up a bit. Of all the people I've known only 2 have married and gone for the "traditional picket fence" lifestyle. You can marry anyone of any sex in MA... that's a huge difference in social norms sicne I was a kid at least... an a good one at that.
Not of offend anyone with any of this commentary- it's just random thoughts from another open minded individual with maybe a different perspective.

[dirque.livejournal.com]

Wow, your post confuses the crap out of me.

I consider our backgrounds to be vaguely similar. I don't really consider myself out of the mainstream though I do have a vague contempt for it. Though in the end, I figure if you have enough self-esteem you don't ever let other people -including those in your social group- do your thinking for you you'll always do fine.

In fact, I'll go so far as to say race and upbringing allows me to get into MORE diverse social situations and to be at least superficially accepted and explore so many things than being say a WASP would ever have. My alienness gives me an instant pass in not knowing the subtleties while being asian is not as bad as being black, white or jewish depending on the racist subculture.

[stolen-tea.livejournal.com]

Hm. Would you say that, if you were to be a part of any culture, you'd have to integrate into it, and so you picked the one you liked best at the time?

For myself, I've been blessed with the ability to blend with high stratas of mainstream culture, and I've usually tried to maintain that ability because it's very useful, even if I don't particularly identify with mainstream culture. (The hair is the only sticking point, and even that's more acceptable nowadays.) It's sort of the equivalent of heterosexual privilege when it comes to bisexuals, really. :/

is anyone really different, or is it just the same stuff with different packaging?

[(Anonymous)]

The only time I was ever deliberately, systematically shunned was by a group of so-called non-mainstream, self-professed geeks with "alternate lifestyles." I was friendly, warm, conversational, complimentary; nope. No deal. My style and life was clearly too "mainstream' for them, but ironically, because of the way I was treated, I saw *their* behavior as completely mainstream. Being a wiccan or a geek or poly or of a certain ethnicity or religion doesn't make you immune from being judgmental or narrow-minded, and having been a scorned geek in high school doesn't lend a romantic nobility or justification to being a scorner as an adult - remember Animal Farm? (As a formerly tormented public-school geek -- I sang Christmas Carols in Latin, for crying out loud-- I do have some personal experience to inform this opinion.)

The fact that people need to define themselves as "non-mainstream' smacks of Us vs. Them and a kind of vain, constructed martyrdom.

-Jen V.

You and I are outsiders... just like everybody else..

[kmhoofnagle.livejournal.com]

I am a WASP by birth, but was always an alien. Choice didn't really enter into it. Nothing I cared about meshed with anyone but the other sci-fi geeks, computer weenies and gamers. Which was also a problem because they were all boys and although they were usually happy to have me there, they treated me in their own way as another kind of outsider (OMG, it's a GIRL!!).

By college when this would have likely been better, I was so damaged I ignored anyone who claimed to be interested in any of the things I enjoyed for more than 2 years and wasted quite a lot of time with people I sincerely didn't like since my choices had always been between being invisible and being horribly objectified. My only real friends in college (of which, I'm not being poor-me, I made quite a few real friends) came almost entirely outside conscious "subcultures" or social groups. I found them on their own in odd ways. I still mostly do that. Not intentionally. It's just what I know.

Anyhow, I think the whole assumption that there *is* a mainstream anymore may be a fallacy. I think alienation is a national past time and participation in subcultures one perceives as unprivileged is normative. Everyone has fucked up assumptions and part of one's social self definition is finding a place in which the assumptions of ones social circle are palatable enough one can stand to be there.

[amelia-g.livejournal.com]

Just seeking a sense of meaning, where I truly belong, a home, a proper family/community/social network in the original sense of the phrase. I'm not sure that, at least in the US, anyone has a clue what really constitutes mainstream today. The man in the gray flannel suit has been gone a long while. Does someone choose to be "different", choose to be gay, etc.? Or is it a reality someone can suppress or embrace? Sometimes I think I took the road less traveled and made all the best choices for myself and sometimes I remind myself that it is not too late to pick up some more school, join a country club, etc.